The picture of those beautiful women on the cover of EBONY has been giving me life for the past few days. It also reminded me of a date I had a little while back.

To be clear, I’m a thick woman. I am proud of my thickness and it’s never been an issue in my dating life. But a few years ago, I met a a man at Starbucks who thought he could shame me because I wouldn’t date him.

The story goes like this:

Dude’s approach was nice. He sparked a conversation with me, we exchanged numbers and began speaking frequently on the phone. After a few conversations he revealed that he was in a nursing program, taking care of his elderly grandfather, and working on his “music.”

Oh brother, not the “music.”

Still, I didn’t actually comment on his hobby until he called me with the following:

Him: I just bought a *insert really expensive Casio keyboard*

Me: Really? What’s that?

Him: You don’t know what an *Expensive Casio Keyboard* is? You need to Google it right now. I just spent $5000 on it.

Me: Uh…ok. *looks up Casio Keyboard on Google* Oh…that’s nice! So, do you play in a jazz band?

Him: No

Me: Um, do you play for a church choir?

Him: No, why?

Me: Oh, I was just trying to figure out why you would spend that much on a keyboard if you don’t play it regularly.

Him: I make beats!

Me: Whhhaaaa? Ok. For who?

Him: My cousins

*pause*

Me: Is your cousin Dr. Dre?

Needless to say, our conversations phased out pretty quickly after that. He thought I was being a smart ass (I was), and I couldn’t roll with a dude in his late 30s still making beats for his “cousin.” Call me bougie, but whatever.

Fast forward a few months and the guy calls me back. He said he missed our conversations about music (ha!) and thought if we weren’t going to date, we could be friends. No problem.

He calls a few more times and asks me out on a date. I tried to remind him that we weren’t dating, we were “just friends.” He assured me that he knew the difference.

The first time we tried to get together, I had to work late so I ended up canceling. The second time, I was too tired and canceled again. The third time, I just didn’t feel like going because he was putting too much pressure on it, and I told him as much.

Dude was LIVID. He started texting me and calling me “a tease” and said I should’ve just told him that I didn’t want to date him. Uh…I did, sir. Then he started saying that all he wanted to do was be friends and he couldn’t understand why I was making it hard.

Keep in mind these were long, butt hurt written text messages, and I felt bad until…

Him (texting): That’s why your fat ass is never going to get a man, you gordita.

*clutches pearls* Oh he’s going there. I will not respond, I will not respond…

Him (texting): That’s why I have a woman coming over right now to have sex with and you’ll be sitting in your bed all alone, with your fat ass, eating ice cream.

Me (texting): I like ice cream!

During his rant, I was literally on a bus coming from the Hollywood Bowl and laughing. He texted more, but I just ignored him because it was obvious what was happening, and I didn’t need to dignify it with a response.

Poor thing’s ego was bruised because I didn’t want to go out with him, and the only thing he could think to do was call me fat.

Hmm…I wonder if he’s seen the new issue of EBONY. :)

A photo posted by EBONY (@ebonymagazine) on

How have you dealt with potential suitors who just can’t take a hint? We want to hear your stories too!